gainesville days

Written during a period in my life where I had secluded myself. Drawing inward for inspiration . . . Much of what is here is raw. I still feel, though, that it is some of the most powerful work I have done to date.

The date of all poems here is unknown. Time ceased to exist or matter to me during this period. Therefore all the dates are simply place markers in a vague time line.


youth

| January 1st, 1998

thoughts dripping
catch them on your tongue
bitter snowflakes of displacement

youth is king
when kings become prisoners

when i was very young
before freedom crossed my lips
then i was free

with knowledge
words fall short
and decompose
on edge of understanding

god

| January 1st, 1998

left in dream alone
with air that breathes
and speaks harsh whispers
conceals a greater fallacy
subjective thoughts adhere
to truth
fight to disassemble ageless word
or just one man
who’s hiding everything

untitled

| January 1st, 1998

relaxation makes uneasy
finds darkest sore
exemplifies fixation
try to hide
run from color
dye life gray
live in shoebox dreams
eyes blue as ice
pierce the void
trace the pattern known
disbelieve freedom,
choice of brighter death

subtle pain drags down the stars
and scorches life from inside out

untitled

| January 1st, 1998

fire surges closer still
the astral image blown
cuts her heart, she has no will
no light to call her own

sanctity served from a pill
has stopped her at the gate
isis harbors to fulfill
the knots tied by the fates

untitled

| January 1st, 1998

dreams fill these hours
tainted with the agony of men
we haunt our ancient memories
reliving paths i’ve never seen
only to come to these same
conclusions . . .

too much

| January 1st, 1998

strung out
too much of everything
invincibility turns
to haunting voices

soft black comfort
reaches out to meet me
to support
more than I knew I had
or could

nightmare

| January 1st, 1998

vast emptiness descends
crushing out life
striking to the heart
weight of a thousand tears
holds fast and captures light
scared to silence
gasp for air
and try to swim to consciousness
rising deeper into darkness
feel it pushing through to soul
know it raping deepest dreams
the shadow is possessing
leaving sacredness unclean

darkest sin?

| January 1st, 1998

fate lifts reason beyond safety into
torrent dreams animalistic virtue severs
values mirror shattered image falls to dust
too small to reassemble snow-white
dove reduced to atoms blown to points
of light can never find what once
was pattern lost within a multiverse
of self

what if we are wrong
return to instinct wrong
Azrael will separate
correct us all

beat the deepest drum and dance
insane flailing senses find a foothold
in the echo of elated sighs
sickly sweet deception hides a truth
which never known will fester
dementia resulting in conclusion
time will not reveal what light can
only know

what if this is wrong
elusive ancient wrong
Azrael hides certain right
delivers all

rebirth

| January 1st, 1998

death find here lie deep inside
within the nature hide the
white-out pulsing dripping sound from
bloody ears or mind overcome by
dreams of deities stare blind and
find solution watch the patterns
torment innocence was never what
was taught forgotten disillusion
oriented to a star lost direction
beaten out omnipotence crawl through
shit and wish for certainty a way
to bind and suffer answers from
what once seemed real

drop of hope in pool of lies
slash at ghosts and wonder why

books of truth

| January 1st, 1998

volumes upon volumes
of sacred dreams
estranged, drowning admirals
waiting to rise
through the surface
to submerge into
a tainted sky
and greet the starlit day
the crimson shells –
like blood, spread upon
the sands of
my remembrance –
color outside the lines of
reality fading on the shore